Why Fathers Leave
By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw
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| washingtonpost.com |
There is no acceptable excuse for able-bodied men to shirk the
financial responsibilities for children and leave the burden solely on their
mothers. And the label “Deadbeat Dad” is hung justifiably as a badge
of shame around the necks of such irresponsible fathers. It is well
established that children are better off psychologically, socially and morally
when both parents are present in the home to provide nurture, education and
security, and our society promotes the ideal that a family should include a mother
and father.
In the documentary ON MY OWN, scheduled for
release in April, former NBA star Allan Houston, founder of the Legacy
Foundation, discusses how his father’s teaching gave him “the mental capacity
to work, to not quit,” which he says made a big difference in his life.
National statistics on absentee fathers are shocking, but
nowhere are the numbers more alarming than in African American
communities. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 70% of black
children live in a home without a father. What might be referred to as a
“fatherlessness epidemic” has long been raging out of control in these
communities. The problem is overwhelming and widespread, and
while analyzing the great migration of these fathers away from their households
may be a useful academic exercise, the problem needs a lot more than just
research and discussions; well thought-out strategies and workable solutions
are mandatory, but sadly they are either in short supply or non-existent.
A New York Times article entitled U.S. Women on the Rise
as Family Breadwinner (May 29, 2013) discussed how women with
children under the age of 18 are either the sole or primary breadwinners
slightly more than 40% of the time. Men are socialized to derive their
sense of self-worth from providing for their families, as opposed to teaching
values and giving time to them (the mother’s traditional role). This
is an even greater issue among African Americans, where men face higher levels
of unemployment and disenfranchisement due to institutionalized discrimination
and criminal convictions.
ON MY OWN also presents Scott Leach, formerly of the
Forestdale Fatherhood Initiative and now the founder of Daddy’s Toolbox, Inc.,
who reminds fathers that “their worth is not in their wallet.” Some
men choose to remove themselves [from the household] when tensions develop over
their inability to contribute financially. Leach notes that when sole
financial responsibility falls on the mother, even though the father is present
in the home, it can be “very taxing on a marriage or relationship,” especially
in a society that aggressively promotes on-time bill paying and the acquisition
of material possessions.
The problem of absent Black fathers is deeply rooted in American
history. African men, forcibly transplanted to these shores, were
not socialized here for traditional fathering roles due to a practice by slave
owners in which these men were used as “bucks,” reproducing with various women,
after which they were removed from the home. Although this practice
is 150 years removed, it is believed still to be a strong factor in the
condition of fatherlessness in the Black community. This long-entrenched
behavioral pattern, combined with excessively high unemployment rates, help
legitimate family abandonment by Black men. As an example, in the
1950s and ‘60s, inner-city factory jobs were mostly filled by low-skilled Black
male workers. When these jobs were outsourced, many of these men moved
on without their families, and there was a corresponding
increase in the number of Black women who became single mothers and applied for
welfare benefits.
At a time when greater numbers of women are graduating from
college, opening more businesses, and filling workforce vacancies at higher
percentages than men (that is, when woman are encroaching on turf
that had once been largely the exclusive domain of men), there has emerged a
movement that is trying to help redefine what it means to be a father.
This fatherhood initiative is attempting to boost the morale of fathers,
address the way society judges men, and inspire women to encourage men, and to
be empathetic to them as they confront this period of role
reorganization. These fatherhood organizations are actively
trying to promote this new definition of fatherhood.
And the government has a role, too. President Obama’s
much publicized “My Brother’s Keeper” program – an effort to help young men of
color succeed as long as they are willing to do their part and work hard – has
the potential to bring about positive change by helping men who might otherwise
abandon their families “reach their full potential, contribute to their
communities and build decent lives for themselves and their
families.” All of which are important stepping stones on the path to
alleviating the “fatherlessness epidemic” that has become the scourge
of the Black family in America.
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