Love and Hip Hop’s Mimi Faust is not the true representative of the black single mother

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

straightfromthea.com

Black social media is on fire right now!  The release of +VH1's super trailer has plenty of ratchet (slang word meaning outrageous ghetto behaviour) story lines. But the most disturbing story line is the degrading and unbelievable behaviour of single mother +Mimi Faust, who has gone from an entrepreneur to an adult entertainment star in a matter of months.  In the +VH1 trailer Mimi says while shedding plenty of rehearsed tears, during a +Vivid Entertainment meeting that “she has a daughter.”  Interesting statement since she should have remembered this before she let her current boyfriend Nikko, a struggling rapper, press record on the camera.

Let’s be clear Ms. Faust is a single mother due to her choice in men.  Her child’s father, formerly successful producer,  Stevie J, is most known for his own leaked sex tape with rapper/actor Eve.  Despite his antics Mimi’s been dating him for over 15 years and in this time he has fathered 5 children by several women.  Not to mention during the first season of the show it is revealed that he is sleeping with his artist, Joseline, who later reveals to Mimi that she is pregnant with his baby that she later aborts.  By the end of season 2 Mimi is no longer with Stevie J and hooks back up with Nikko, her ex boyfriend, whom many speculate is an opportunist.  That’s all but proven now.   Ironically, Mimi ridiculed Joseline for her stripper past but she is now married to Stevie J and has never stooped as low as to enter into the porn world.

The one person that loses out in this situation the most is Faust’s five-year old daughter who will soon be taunted about her mother's sex tape by her schoolmates and judged by educators who have the job of teaching her.   Mimi has sent a negative message to her daughter.  Her actions have taught her daughter that she can exploit her body for profit, have men denigrate her, and easy income trumps achieving academic success.  Faust, a woman in her 40s, has also taught her daughter that she is not worthy of marriage.  Faust comes from her own broken family.   Her mother abandoned her when she was 13 years old to dedicate herself to her religion.

Let’s be clear if Faust was married or professionally accomplished she would not be making sex tapes.  This single mother’s behaviour doesn’t help in eradicating negative images of black single mothers.  That’s for sure.  Faust is not the average black single mother.  In the documentary ON MY OWN, premiering the end of April, the three mothers featured struggled to get their college degrees, worked hard, and accomplished material gains the dignified way.  They are the faces of the average black single mother, not women like Mimi Faust, who many corporate media entities keep projecting out to viewers. 

The bottom line is this.  Young girls get their value from their fathers.  

As long as we continue to raise young girls in situations where their fathers are inactive in their lives, there will continue to be women like Mimi Faust with low self-worth.   These young girls grow up, start to date, and choose men that don’t have their best interest at heart.  The end result is more single mothers, who unless they get a parental intervention, continue the cycle by executing Mimi’s Faust mistakes with men in particular, and then the low self worth materializes in the daughters they raise.

Black Women Opting out of early motherhood will help with stabilizing the Black Family

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

blackhealthywoman.com

In the early 90s young black women would rush like it was their duty to birth children in their late teens or early twenties.   Many African American women were socialized to value the mothering role above anything else.  Times have changed and women of other cultures are focusing more on their careers and enjoying their lives.  However for black women the mindset of early motherhood still lingers. 

According to the National Fatherhood Initiative 60% of non marital births are to women in their twenties.  70% of African American women between the ages of 25-29 have never been married.  These two statistics indicates something quite telling, and reveals what could be one major solution to the high percentage of single parent, female-headed households, a rising epidemic in the Black community. If black women could engage in responsible and thoughtful dating, using contraception and practice abstinence till age 30 the number of out of wedlock black births will decrease.

The current economic instability and the many social issues affecting black males in particular, such as high unemployment, mass incarceration, and significant high school dropouts’ rates, have all affected the number of eligible mates available to black women. Most of the black males affected by the aforementioned issues don’t regain their footing until their thirties and forties.  Also men are socialized to believe that their primary role is to provide financially for their families and most will refrain from marrying until they feel they can support a family.  Research also proves that married fathers are more likely than unmarried fathers to parent their children. 

These aforementioned cause and their effects on black males suggests that black women may want to give their black male counterparts time to catch up.  There is also a maturity and psychological element to this discussion that must not be omitted.  Young women in their twenties are still trying to find themselves and figure out who they are and their purpose in life.  This is a journey one must figure out alone before marrying, which could arguably be the most important decision of one’s life.  People in their thirties are more stable emotionally and financially and are more mature in handling interacting with a spouse and children on a daily basis.  Other cultures seem to understand this and don’t subscribe to the “I still want to be young when my children are in their twenties” mentality that really has contributed to the black community’s issues, specifically high non marital births for women in their twenties.

In their 30s African American women are better equipped with a higher likelihood of marriage, financial stability, and youth now coupled with some experience will guarantee higher successes of accomplishing traditional family structures.   It’s a win-win situation. Black women can still continue to value the “mother” role while also valuing the “wife” role, and even the “career woman” role.

Why Marriage is the Ultimate Commitment Partners Can Make to Each Other

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

Marriage is more than a piece of paper.  Let me repeat that statement.  Marriage is more than a piece of paper!  Depending on your religious convictions, it is a prerequisite to marry before starting a family.  Putting religious beliefs aside, the institution itself is encouraged in our society through tax incentives, retirement compensation, and benefits.  Spouses or parents are the only ones who can make health and legal decisions for incapacitated people.   An episode of the reality show Love & Hip Hop in which Mendecees Harris’ attorney reminded Yandy Smith that he couldn’t disclose much information about her fiancée and son’s father because they aren’t yet married, painfully reminded viewers that many benefits are exclusively for married couples.

In the African American community, marriage for various reasons, including negative socialization and economics is not valued as it is in other racial and ethnic groups.  Studies have shown that this has played a major role in the current epidemic of broken black families and the disproportionate amount of single mother homes in the Black community.  Black women must establish early in a relationship that marriage is their goal.  According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, a pro-fatherhood organization, married fathers are more likely than unmarried fathers to remain in the household.  When most men marry their thinking psychologically and morally shifts to a family mindset versus a single man mindset when in happy and healthy marriages.

African Americans have to feel that they are capable of functioning productively in a marriage which begins with a change in the mindset.  African Americans must also stop pointing to the 50% divorce rate and referring to their few experiences with dysfunctional marriages as indicators that theirs is destined for failure.  For black women in particular, these reasons should stop being used as excuses after unsuccessfully attempting to get boyfriends or the fathers of their children to marry them.

Ideally, marriage brings a sense of eternal partnership and belonging.  It makes you feel like you have someone going through this crazy thing called life with you.  The studies show that people are healthier and happier in good marriages.   It’s also the best visual a parent can give their child when teaching family values.  They will learn what they are supposed to do by just seeing their married parents interact.   Let’s encourage marriage in our community and set this standard of expectance and follow through when dating.

Why Fathers Leave

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

washingtonpost.com 

There is no acceptable excuse for able-bodied men to shirk the financial responsibilities for children and leave the burden solely on their mothers.  And the label “Deadbeat Dad” is hung justifiably as a badge of shame around the necks of such irresponsible fathers.   It is well established that children are better off psychologically, socially and morally when both parents are present in the home to provide nurture, education and security, and our society promotes the ideal that a family should include a mother and father.  

In the documentary ON MY OWN, scheduled for release in April, former NBA star Allan Houston, founder of the Legacy Foundation, discusses how his father’s teaching gave him “the mental capacity to work, to not quit,” which he says made a big difference in his life.

National statistics on absentee fathers are shocking, but nowhere are the numbers more alarming than in African American communities.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 70% of black children live in a home without a father.  What might be referred to as a “fatherlessness epidemic” has long been raging out of control in these communities.   The problem is overwhelming and widespread, and while analyzing the great migration of these fathers away from their households may be a useful academic exercise, the problem needs a lot more than just research and discussions; well thought-out strategies and workable solutions are mandatory, but sadly they are either in short supply or non-existent.

A New York Times article entitled U.S. Women on the Rise as Family Breadwinner (May 29, 2013) discussed how women with children under the age of 18 are either the sole or primary breadwinners slightly more than 40% of the time.  Men are socialized to derive their sense of self-worth from providing for their families, as opposed to teaching values and giving time to them (the mother’s traditional role).  This is an even greater issue among African Americans, where men face higher levels of unemployment and disenfranchisement due to institutionalized discrimination and criminal convictions. 

ON MY OWN also presents Scott Leach, formerly of the Forestdale Fatherhood Initiative and now the founder of Daddy’s Toolbox, Inc., who reminds fathers that “their worth is not in their wallet.”  Some men choose to remove themselves [from the household] when tensions develop over their inability to contribute financially.  Leach notes that when sole financial responsibility falls on the mother, even though the father is present in the home, it can be “very taxing on a marriage or relationship,” especially in a society that aggressively promotes on-time bill paying and the acquisition of material possessions.

The problem of absent Black fathers is deeply rooted in American history.  African men, forcibly transplanted to these shores, were not socialized here for traditional fathering roles due to a practice by slave owners in which these men were used as “bucks,” reproducing with various women, after which they were removed from the home.  Although this practice is 150 years removed, it is believed still to be a strong factor in the condition of fatherlessness in the Black community.  This long-entrenched behavioral pattern, combined with excessively high unemployment rates, help legitimate family abandonment by Black men.  As an example, in the 1950s and ‘60s, inner-city factory jobs were mostly filled by low-skilled Black male workers.  When these jobs were outsourced, many of these men moved on without their families, and there was a corresponding increase in the number of Black women who became single mothers and applied for welfare benefits.

At a time when greater numbers of women are graduating from college, opening more businesses, and filling workforce vacancies at higher percentages than men  (that is, when woman are encroaching on turf that had once been largely the exclusive domain of men), there has emerged a movement that is trying to help redefine what it means to be a father.  This fatherhood initiative is attempting to boost the morale of fathers, address the way society judges men, and inspire women to encourage men, and to be empathetic to them as they confront this period of role reorganization.   These fatherhood organizations are actively trying to promote this new definition of fatherhood.  

And the government has a role, too.  President Obama’s much publicized “My Brother’s Keeper” program – an effort to help young men of color succeed as long as they are willing to do their part and work hard – has the potential to bring about positive change by helping men who might otherwise abandon their families “reach their full potential, contribute to their communities and build decent lives for themselves and their families.”  All of which are important stepping stones on the path to alleviating the “fatherlessness epidemic” that has become the scourge of the Black family in America.

President Obama’s My Brother’s Keeper Program has to Focus on Family Values

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

theobamacrat.com

 “If we help these young men become better husbands and fathers they will not only become better citizens but pass this on to their children,” said President Obama during his speech yesterday about the newly enacted My Brother’s Keeper program.  This program will concentrate on young men of color, an extremely disenfranchised group in the United States.  Black and Hispanic men’s likelihood to commit crime, drop out of school, and abandon their families is largely attributed to growing up in fatherless homes as well as other oppressive factors.

In President Obama’s speech he referenced his own life growing up.  He spoke about being angry and abusing drugs to numb some of the pain he felt from not having his father present in his life.  Watching the president, an African American man, a member of this same group represent young men of color, really drives this message home.  It now creates an empathy factor among the non-black community that was obviously missing.  What President Obama’s status also represents is the possibility that with governmental intervention and parental responsibility, the majority of young men of color can have bright futures in a society that has clearly oppressed them.

In the documentary ON MY OWN, a young man, who is a member of the Ocean Baptist Church Youth Fellowship talked emotionally about his deep thought about what his life could have been if his father was around.  This displays that the My Brother’s Keeper program must continue to promote fatherhood aggressively.  Young men of color futures depend on it. This program should focus as much on family values as it will on education and jobs.  The program should also focus on educating young men of color on the history of the Black Family in the United States.  It will give them a better understanding of how many of their forefathers were negatively socialized in regards to their position in the nuclear family in the western world.  Maybe they’ll understand and abandon some of the anger they feel everyday wondering why in their community having a father is a rare experience.

The My Brother’s Keeper program should use the 200 million funding on more of a grassroots level.  This effort needs a street level approach to reach young men that are not in the educational system.   There are many young men that have already fallen through the cracks and can’t be enumerated. President Obama also rightfully stated, “that government cannot play the only role or even the primary role.”  The community must also step in and uplift these at risk youths.  This program is another great step in the movement to repair the family structure.

Co-Parenting: The Best Solution for Single Mothers

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw




www.brandnewz.com

 

Marriages dissolve and relationships end.  Though the goal and message should always promote life- long partnerships, the reality is sometimes relationships don’t last. When there are children involved mothers and fathers must find a productive and respectful strategy to continue raising their children.  In most cases, children continue living with their mothers whether by consensual agreement from the parents or court ordered.  To ensure that children of these circumstances are raised morally, economically, and psychologically sound, their fathers must remain in their lives.

During the Bronx Fathers Taking Action Forum, in New York City, featured in the documentary ON MY OWN, Bronx Borough President Ruben Diaz Jr. posed a question.  He asked “why do fathers feel like they can’t be in a child’s life if they are no longer married or in a relationship with the child’s mother?”  He then ended by saying, “a father should be in a child’s life whether or not he’s in a marriage with the child’s mother.”  This has to be the mindset of fathers and mothers.

Most of society agrees that mothers should raise their children alongside the fathers. Research included in the 2011 National Fatherhood Initiative highlighted that 69% of Americans believe more single women having children without a male partner is bad for society.  The overwhelming opinion most likely derives from the drastically higher percentage of children raised in single parent,  mostly female-headed homes, compared to two-parent homes, likelihood to commit crimes and drop out of school.   Not to mention single mothers are more likely to fall into poverty.

Conservative think tanks like the Heritage Foundation provide a one solution cure all for single mothers which is marriage.   This solution doesn’t address if the parents are divorcing or ended relationships that never resulted in marriage.  Though marriage is a great solution for single mothers, co parenting with their children’s father(s) is a more realistic approach.  A great approach is for single mothers, at all times, to encourage their children’s father to be active in their lives.

In order to accomplish healthy co-parenting single mothers and fathers must continue to maintain respect and open communication with each other.  Issues that plagued the marriage/relationship shouldn’t prevent parents from jointly raising the child.   The objective must always be what’s best for the children.  Once that is established, the intrinsic details about visitation, child support, education, and faith based dynamics can take place successfully.   The end result is for children to have all the necessities and even luxuries at times, to grow up loved, complete, and well taken care of.  This will result in significant decreases in single motherhood.

The Importance of Teaching our Children about Black History

By Rachel Miller-Bradshaw

thisisyourconscience.com

James' Brown's song “I'm Black and I'm Proud”, released in 1968, became an anthem for black people during the Black Power Movement. As we usher in a new generation of young people, this same song should be a belief and innate feeling entrenched into African American children.

It has already been socially proven that individuals excel when they treasure and are proud of their culture and history.  African Americans have been deprived of learning about their history through the public educational system.  For the most part mainstream media has disseminated denigrating images about African Americans that has furthered false and insulting imagery of the group.  In all of this denigration, significant portions of African American & African history, has been lost.  And with this has been decades of lost self-esteem and pride that hasn’t been passed on our descendants.

In a country that is continually expanding with various ethnic groups it is pertinent for black parents to teach their children about their rich history. Many of our kids are lacking in the Black History department.  They learn the talking points about Dr. Martin Luther King JR. and Rosa Parks but few know about Paul Robeson or Stokely Carmichael. It's time for parents to step up and teach their children the fundamentals about who they are. It's imperative in providing them their purpose in the world.  It is all about parents doing the work-the educational resources are there.

"A people's relationship to their heritage is the same as the relationship of a child to its mother." -Dr. John Henrik Clarke

There are multiple reasons why black parents should be proactive with educating their children about their history but here are the top 5 reasons.

1. Black children will develop long lasting self-esteem derived from knowing they come from great ancestors.

2. African American children will know their importance among various racial and ethnic groups.

3. Teaching extensive Black History will equip our children to believe they can be innovators and investors.

4. Colorism could be totally eliminated from exposing black children to a various black figures of all complexions.

5. Black children can fend off historical inaccuracies.